I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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