isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
All I want is dick and wine.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
