She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
