I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize