wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
