I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
