I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
