worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
