New invention idea: vibrating tampons
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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