someone get that fucking seahorse.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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