Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I looked at my own cervix.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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