she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
