I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
