At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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