My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
