tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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