"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
