Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize