There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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