Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
