You surviving the open bar?
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ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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