I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
