Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
