You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
