My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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