Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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