I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
