I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
