We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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