How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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