So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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