Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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