Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
