No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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