I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the day after is always just damage control
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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