were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
