great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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