A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i think my mom watched the whole time
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
