I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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