i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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