Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
