literally had 100 drinks last night.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
