Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
