someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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