sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
