If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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