Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
