This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
