My girlfriend figured out who you are.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
