Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
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