you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
