I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
