u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
