discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
