my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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