worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
