I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
