"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
