Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
