sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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