I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
