NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
