I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize