we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
