I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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