Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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