so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
