My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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