maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Randomize
