Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
