She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I have already put on my inside pants.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The Olympian is in my bed
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
