im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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